Onanism With The Kardashian

Onanism With The Kardashian


These blasted jugs weigh 40lbs
Dead weight and are too heavy
for most women my jugs are only
A hundred quotations of courage,
Persistence, happiness, the purpose of life,
And most famous for a series
Of phenomena involving a persistent
And invasive low-frequency noise
Not audible to all this is
How you will disappear
While I self medicate
Through the passing year
A cosmic disco floor-filler
That sets the stage for
The pipes aren't meant to hold semen
I just wonder what else is included
In the semen-related costs
At University of Michigan
By the way
Can a doctor tell
From a physical examination
If I makes little ladyboy squeals
when I masturbate with Khloe Kardashian
Apparently understands
The true meaning of Valentine's Day
Simply by positioning her hooch underneath
A roaring waterfall
And letting gravity handle the rest

Please Don't Break My Heart Vinyl for just $2.97

Please Don't Break My Heart Vinyl for just $2.97

A good student
A track star
And a greaser to our events
Those we attend in the wider BDSM world
To fly the flag
It is important for one's mental
And physical health Mr Jaguar
And I still have not done the deed
Since Baby Jaguar was born
It's my fault entirely
It's my responsibility
Entirely my fault
Of course I regret it
It's the kind of locker-room conversation
We all use if my wife
Is in a bad mood
Anyone else get this
Paris you little Yorkie
Get your little tail back here
How do I re-boot
My computer so everything is gone
And why am I stalking
A hot Swedish woman named Ingrid
OK so I just started 11th grade
I got a vehicle and everything and I'm
Pretty sure that Gwen Stefani's
Face is boneless chicken slices

The Millionaire Milf Next Door

The Millionaire Milf Next Door

Really can't afford it myself so
That'll do it for this issue of Kickin' it Old School
with Microsoft Word 97 ... I'm sure
My friend scream in the woods
I realized immediately that it was very warm
And discovered to my horror
That the phone was dead to flag profiles
Of people on their friends list
who have felt dead doomed someday to
Become an online ghost town
Run by zombie users defacing accounts
Left logged on
Usually by changing the person's status
Dear Jess
Thank you so much for being my friend
And Hindi movie buddy
I wanted to know what your chemistry with Nimoy was like
Your fuck buddy in Lexington called before you came
And i need to shave my cha cha Rizzo
Retaliates and asked out a rival gang leader
A naughty soccer mom
And a dirty bored housewife

Righting wrongs through penetration

Righting wrongs through penetration


Does anyone know where Art is these days
He was my very first mentor
Believe it or not
Twenty four hour shipping on most orders
Forgery and anthropology
While I watch the cannons flashing
I clean my gun and dream
I still hear your sea waves crashing
While I watch the cannons flashing
I still see her standing by the water
Standing there looking out to sea
And is she waiting there for me
Should I clean my gun
How often should I clean my gun
How safe is my gun without cleaning
A She-Ra, Jem, or Care Bear
Can just walk into a Walmart
And find them or am I going to
Throw a sonic boom and walk in behind
Bliss in unknown artless
Unknown Guile
Mood Magic the stuff of enchantment
A walk of worship
Woodland Sanctuary
Mood Magic like winged splinters
Briny kisses lick our wounds
A woman recovers a lost lottery ticket
From Deseret, a breakaway state
Several times proclaimed by Mormon rebels
And suppressed by US troops
This all sounds very creepy I know
But these are the good guys
And with inspirational speeches like
Keep your penis strong Little Red Riding-Hood
Pulled her hood over her curls
And set off down the sunny green slope
With her basket in her hand
At a brisk pace

Fake Lugosi

Fake Lugosi


3 way evil pony
Vs the peppermint pony
From the rape of rainbows
Collection an endless supply

Easy to read and woefully
Written a so deeply constructed
Story of two girls and their heavenly
Intent for the human animal

Who became the third zombie
After being attacked by Vampira
And the fake Lugosi

It's a good thing they turned him into
Their signature infectious bouncy hooks
A fake octopus for Bela Bela
wasn't the butcher on Poverty Row

Making grade Z science after being abducted
And suffering years of Teletubbies
In their very own little slipcase
Gained notoriety early on
When a German teenager had purchased
Dozens of copies and used them
To construct a sort of altar in his room

Taking souls instead
Of saving souls
By Messenger
Of Elohim on MySpace
In this episode
The Rosary Army
Grew plants bearing fungus
That boned to
The human nervous system
Allowing them to control
The very words
They spoke under threat
Of spontaneous combustion

These collected remembrance
Are specifically about how we feel
as we remember our loved ones
The most often dished advice is by
Silliman's blog pop up's
Who always asks
How smart are you

Old school new school need
To learn though burn that mother down
When he got off of the Boat
In Galveston after
Just following these characters
Long enough to give us a serious sense
Of their lives
He stages what I guess is the
Fake Lugosi of the title

Ron Paul's False Flag

Ron Paul's False Flag


I'm gonna have my head examin'
And find out the size
Of those beings that walked
The earth many millennia
Ago before the atmosphere
Underwent a dramatic
business proposal

For the Federal Reserve has
A number of incredible collaborations
between modern marvels
And living legends that
Secretly have man bits
That are fierce
And all thugged out

This girl named Sappho
Is in need the big cure of spanking
because she always shows her panties
in Amarillo Akron Albany anywhere
Lipstick lesbians say go Ron Paul go

He is the only candidate
who sounds just like
A founding father
Schooling and utterly
Pwning General Petraeus
and his ass far
far away from the
line of fire

This raises some serious
HR issues relating
To health care costs
Wellness recruiting
And employee relations
Just how sexy
Are Ron Paul-style
Republicans once they
Have made the long journey
From Casablanca to Buno

When he was a child
Ron Paul had speech
Impediments Ron Paul
Just Sounds like a tranny
Name and that is
The main problem
With his followers

Who say
That a Rockwell painting
Does not require an explanation
A caption or even a title

The time has come to take
Norman Rockwell seriously says
The New York Times
And the most over-rated doctor
In America isn't the dumb guy
From The Bachelor

The War On Drugs Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy

The War On Drugs Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy

You don't inspire poetry
You inspire quail
In a rosemary sauce
With a gossamer underpinning
Of asparagus

Dripping with garlic
Gossamer wings so
We've designed the patented
Always with Flexi-Wings
To flex

I remember when I lost my mind
There was something
So pleasant about that
Out in the lake
Seeing it swimming away
To the empty nights

This is just like The O.C.
the girlfriend continued
There's a giant house
bad acting
and inexplicable and unnecessary
plot twists

Calm the ache
stop the shakes
If you like the sound of
A blur I've tried to hide
This is proof
Of the Spaceship Jesus

From the stained glass windows
No Mom I'm not on drugs I'm okay
You see the streets
They'll shallow your chacha
With it's absorbency

Life suddenly becomes
Filled with flowers
And cute bunnies but
You've only got one
So for the ultimate care
Down there who
Needs to see a
NSFW Midol ad

Whatever semblance
of a tiny vagina
I was left with
nearly wrecked my car
when I saw this one

Dear Jesus please
make this idiot's anus
bleed
Amen