I have to stay 500 feet away from miley cyrus' nipple

I have to stay 500 feet away from miley cyrus' nipple

The cameras may have stopped rolling
But that doesn't mean the drama
Was obtained by a simple algebraic manipulation
Of the original polynomial plush pets
Each come with a unique
Secret code designated trademarks and brands
Are the property of their respective owners
Not a linear sexting app that would
have saved Tiger Woods a lot of trouble
But the premier destination to watch
And share your original string of characters
A promise that you can't keep
Or else you'll wind up miserable
With a shaved head want to see more
Of what's going on in Oprah's world
The perfect date was a long time coming
Play as long as you like
We have over 8000 games in our arsenal
a weaker-than-expected forecast i have
To stay 500 feet away from inspirational
Performance assemblies and follow up
Artistic development workshops

I was looking around on Craigslist for a lamp that looked like Elvis when

I was looking around on Craigslist for a lamp that looked like Elvis when

We brought ourselves to believe
That Michael Jackson "liked" the Arab World
Because he drove his car through an
Adultmart store just to steal a sex-toy replica
Hunched over a typewriter management thinkers
And executives alike
Now realize that bosses cannot
Just give the monkey a substantial
Part of our career
This new health scare
Was the most shocking finale ever
And thrills fans by doing aerial stunts of anger
At the ''Men Tell All'' reunion
The bachelors vent their fairy-tale spleen
After enduring two seasons of reality dating
How come bloods and crips don't get along?
Until their pants are down at the fucking mall
Why do slugs shrivel up
When people pour salt on them
You get what you pay for

you're on public transportation and someone has their music on their ipods or whatever turned up so loud that everyone can hear it

You're on public transportation and someone has their music on their ipods or whatever turned up so loud that everyone can hear it

This homage to our favorite online social network
And the Fail Whale appears whenever
The site is overloaded
When a low IQ from Norway
Drinks some shit for some money
An acquired and very specifically acquired
Taste of fat unwashed losers
Building what essentially boils down
To a cult to "redesign" hot dogs
And other foods that weren't dangerous
Enough perhaps there is a non-existent 100%
Hot theoretical tacky trannylicious
True romance like waffles
But really wants Salma Hayek's boobs
Cause you boys been wackin off to a dude
Cept she has a vagina and she better not
Disrespect his mamma In my experience
a dog may go for several days
before finally resorting to eating the owner's body
A cat on the other hand
will only wait a day or two

The Typing of the Ghosts

The Typing of the Ghosts

Today I wrecked the rental
I used a Sharpie
As an eye liner
In the airplane bathroom
I talked to my mom yesterday
Dad's not doing well
He's unsteady, dizzy, forgetful
A heart monitor found an arrhythmia
Na na na na hey hey I think I might
Go watch Napoleon Dynamite's dance scene
Now that it's always sunny in Philadelphia
If you want to be a cracker
Go read the alt.2600 newsgroup
And get all the dirt fit to print
Brad Pitt and Quentin Tarantino
Are teenagers from different worlds
They meet up at a karaoke contest
And fill their cargo pants up with weed
So appropriate meathead may result
In severe civil and criminal penalties
Unless prior authorization has been obtained
A cute new science teacher causes Dakota Fanning
To lose focus jeopardizing
Her father/daughter bonding weekend
It reminds me of Daffy Duck and
It bugs me that he got another round off
Life is so full of little annoyances
Sometimes they are a sophomore
Release by a progressive rock band
Where the supply of exotic is in the wake of
Viagra's enormous popularity
I'm feeling rough
I'm feeling raw
I'm in the prime of my life pushing stuffing
between the turkey's skin and breasts
Increasing the thickness of the breasts
So they take the same time to cook as I feel pain
About 2 inches above my hip bone
The size of your fist
In a tractor-trailer
part of Chuck Norris' sperm escapes
From a lavish, posh, ritzy, bewitching,
Exclusive, expensive, and elaborate little hymen